J. Golden was talking with one of the Quorum members one time, and the â€œbrotherâ€ said to him, â€œBrother Kimball, I donâ€™t see how you can swear so much, Why Iâ€™d rather commit adultery than swear so much.â€ J. Golden answered, â€œWouldnâ€™t we all brother? Wouldnâ€™t we all?â€
J. Golden Kimball was riding on a stagecoach somewhere in Missouri. A group of men were riding along with him, and they began to complain about the Mormons. One man said he hated the Mormons with a passion, thus he was going to Texas to get away from them. Another man said he was going to Kentucky to get away from the Mormons. And finally, a third man said he was going to Boston to get away from all the â€œblankâ€ Mormons. J. Golden Kimball then said, â€œYou can all just go to hell because there wonâ€™t be any Mormons there.â€
They tell one about his [J. Golden Kimball] being brought on to the carpet because his family was going astray, not doing just what they ought to do. And they told him a church official ought to have a more exemplary family. He sat and listened, and the he said, â€œWell, I guess according to your idea of an exemplary family, I donâ€™t think that God Almighty made such a hell of a success.â€
There was a time when I had my doubts about the existence of J. Golden Kimball. I wanted him to be real. But I was afraid he was only the creation of slightly uncouth (though thoroughly orthodox) family and friends. It turns out that J. Golden Kimball was a real person. He was a Mormon insider. (He was one of Heber C. Kimballâ€™s 65 children, and he was a member of the presidency of the First Quorum of the Seventy). He was an outsider. (He was raised poor, and he worked as a cowboy in remote Rich County, Utah). Most of all, he was recognizably human: his family relationships were strained at times, his children embarrassed him publicly, and he got himself in trouble for cussing and not keeping the word of wisdom after it came to be taught as a commandment.
Eric A. Eliasonâ€™s extended introduction to The J. Golden Kimball Stories (an â€œas-complete-as-possibleâ€ compilation recently published by the University of Illinois Press) distinguishes between the man of history and the man of folklore. In other words, I have learned that my fears were justified: the character I wanted to be real is a creation of folk imagination. Eliason compares Uncle Golden to other performer heroes of western American folklore: Jim Bridger and Joe Hill. Eliason contrasts Uncle Golden with the trickster character in many folklore traditions. Most interestingly, Eliason draws a comparison between Uncle Golden and Nasraddin Hodja, a Turkish Muslim imam (circa 13th Century). Apparently Hodja storiesâ€”which address questions of faith with considerable witâ€”are still told throughout Central Asia.
Eliason also argues that the â€œUncle Goldenâ€ of folklore says something about the people who keep the tradition alive. For the most part, that means Mormons who like to tell a good Uncle Golden story. In this light, it is interesting to note that Uncle Golden is: (1) An Authority (Mormons defer to their leaders. Uncle Golden stories seem safe because they come from up the chain of command); (2) Persecution Sensitive (Mormons have been persecuted. Mormons remain the victims of occasional bigotry. And being keenly aware of these factsâ€”perhaps even oversensitive to themâ€”is a defining Mormon characteristic); (3) Slightly Edgy, but Mostly Safe (some mild cussing and coffee sipping goes a long way in the Uncle Golden story cycle; there is no doubt that Uncle Golden is a defender of the faith through and through); (4) Cautiously Introspective (Uncle Golden is self-deprecating and an enemy to pretension and stuffiness even when it comes to fellow general authoritiesâ€”but always gently so); and (5) A Human Pressure Valve (the humanity shows through with Uncle Goldenâ€”he helps Mormons laugh off tensions they feel from inside and out as they strive to live their religion).
One of the Brethren said to J. Golden Kimball, â€œWhen you die there will never be another like you in the church.â€ Uncle Golden replied, â€œYes and I am sure this is a great comfort to you.â€
It is sad but true. There never will be another J. Golden Kimball. But not that sad. Uncle Golden lives on. Many of his stories still circulate as good and valuable narrative currency. Even new Uncle Golden stories sometimes come into circulation. Please feel free to post your favorite Uncle Golden story below!
The J. Golden Kimball Stories, edited by Eric A. Eliason, is available now. I dare you to quote from this volume liberally in your next talk, lesson, and/or testimony. I know I will!